All I need
by Goodbye0Love
Summary: "His first month in New York had passed like a day and he wasn't succesful – not in the least. But he had to find her. The thought didn't leave his mind – not at once. He had to find her, if not for him than for Noah." Finn makes sure to hold on to the last Promise he gave his best friend Noah. Little does he know that his life will be changed forever by Rachel Berry. ;-)
1. Prologue

Finn Hudson felt useless. Yes you could call it that. Or maybe just the thought of not succeeding and the fear of failing made him give up on himself before even trying. He couldn't exactly tell why but yes he felt useless. His first month in New York had passed like one day and he wasn't succesful – not in the least.

But he had to find her. The thought didn't leave his mind – not for once. How could this be? He had to find her, if not for him than for Noah.


	2. Last chances

"_You'll make it man, I know you can do it." Finn didn't know what to think. Noah Puckerman, his best friend since his childhood days lay in a hospital bed as weak as he had never seen him before. "Face it dude, we both know how this thing will end and", Noah was interrupted by another round of caughing. He had been in hospital ever since his accident two days ago. He just looked so fucking weak. Finn was overwhelmed by the situation, he just didn't know what to think about first. That his best friend was going to die, or that so much was already planned. How was he supposed to make it without him? Finn immediately felt bad for even thinking such sort of thought. It was about Puck not about him. He himself still had the chance to live, Puck didn't. He was just so very desperate. "It's okay Finn, I have made my peace, if this is what is planned for me than that's it. I'm sure there is a reason for all this happening. The life is full of questions and maybe this means that I will finally get an answer.", Puck smiled and was even filled by a little laughter. This was all just so strange and surreal. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Puck was supposed to live, he was only twenty-two for God's sake! He still had so many oppertunities ahead of him, he had his whole life ahead of him. At least it had been like this, but well, they say that you can't plan life and you can't control what will happen to you. "Puck, I swear if there is anything that you want me to do or that you want me to make sure, I will, I promise, I-" "It's okay Finn, you don't need to cry" Finn didn't even notice how tears had started to roll dowbn his cheeks. "I'm not dead yet, it will be okay. But yes there is something you could do for me." Puck's head sunk even deeper into his pillow avoiding Finn's gaze. It took him a moment to continue "Find Quinn. Tell her that I love her and that I'm sorry about what happened and the way that our lives parted. Please, she has to know. Please give this to her." Now Puck's gaze found Finn's. His eyes showed how vulnerable and moved he was and Finn could see tears dwell up in them. Puck didn't hide anymore. He reached for something under his pillow and gave it to Finn "I finished it this morning. Please also tell her that this will explain everything." A few moments passed. "I promise."_

Yeah, Finn could still recall that moment in his head. He still couldn't believe that just a day later Puck died. It felt surreal and most-likely _wrong_. He felt so alone and like a huge dissapointment. "I'm sorry, Puck, I'm so sorry.". This past month he had tried everything to find Quinn, but averything that he found out was an old adress of hers. How could this be? It felt as if she had disappeared and he, well he was desperate.


	3. Someone to save you

He felt like he was about to cry, like everything was crashing down on him. The rain was dripping on his face. The drops were rolling down his cheeks. He didn't know of they were rain- or teardrops, probably a mix of both – not that he would have cared. The last two days had been rainy days, as fast as the sun was shining through just a little bit, the rain was successful at conquering every so little ray of sunlight. He still just wasn't successful.

"Hey you look like you want to punch something or I don't know yell at someone? Listen, I'm totally okay with that as long as you don't punch _me_." Santana was the bartender at the bar Finn had found a job at and more important, he had gotten to know her better which meant knowing that what she had just said wasn't meant to come out mean. Knowing Santana meant reading between the lines. "It's okay San, I was just a little distracted, I-" "Look Frankenteen you seriously don't look as if everything is okay" She looked at him insistently, "You look like you're about to cry, so don't tell me that everything is alright." It was really crazy. He had known Santana for just about two weeks, but she seemed to be able to look through him, no matter how hard he tried to hide. "Look San, really it's okay , I just haven't slept well last night and I, you know everything's still new to me. This all, New York and stuff." "Well you know I'm here so if you want to talk, just talk." "Thank you Santana." "You know you are not alone." Before Finn could respond to what Santana said the first guests for the night arrived. "It's your turn Frankenteen." and with that she disappeared behind the bar, giving him one last glance before starting to welcome the entering people.

Later that night, Finn couldn't stop thinking about what Santana said. He hadn't told her about Puck, like he hadn't told anyone else, it just hurt so damn much. He just couldn't control his sentiments, he missed Puck. And yes it was true _because_ everything _was _stillnew to him and yes nothing was okay like not at all. He was a mess – his life was a mess. But he couldn't tell Santana, he just couldn't.

The next day seemed to pass rather uneventfully. Quinn really seemed to have disappeared. Whatever he tried he just did not get any useful information on her. Where was she living? What job did she do? Was she even in New York? It was just so frustrating. He still had a few hours before he had to be at the bar and he wanted to make the most of them. Like he had done for the past for weeks, he walked around Times Square. All those lights were just overwhelming him, everything was so full of life, so full of that one special vibe, he had never felt before. It was, as if he had a new perspective in life. The vibe of living seemed to make him forget that death had affected him. Whenever he walked around Times Square, he felt like he belonged somewhere. So he tried to hold on to this feeling because...he was just so sick and tired of feeling lost. Lost and weak.

Finn was working for about two hours when something when _someone _caught his eye. Right there in the corner was a girl. She was rather tiny but truly beautiful. Her long brown hair fell down her shoulders in soft curls. And she seemed to wait for someone. That someone didn't seem to come. He watched her whenever he got the chance to. Minutes passed and turned into an hour. It was clear that she was frustrated. After having watched the time in a quite depressed manner before, she now did so quite angrily. Who dared to stand her up? She was the most beautiful person he had ever seen in his life and that _someone_ thought that telling 'no' in the first place wasn't an option? What an idiot.

Finn just had to do something, so for the first time in a month he did what felt natural to him. He walked over to her,. 'Can I get you another drink?' 'If that drink is called Brody Weston then I'd like to spill it.' Yes, she definitely was angry. 'That Brody dude is an idiot you know?' Finn wasn't sure how to continue. He didn't want to make her think that he was totally weird and yes, he definitely was nervous. Now she looked at him with her brown eyes and damn, they were beautiful just like rest of her. 'I'm so sorry, I was just a little pissed but it's not your fault, so, sorry.', she now was friendly and had a smile on her face ' I'm Rachel by the way.' After a few moments Finn realized that a response probably wouldn't be that bad 'Nah, it's okay, I totally understand. You know, I have watched you for quite a while now and I figured that you shouldn't be alone so something had to be wrong and – I'm Finn'. He laughed a little nervously, looking down at her. She just glanced at him in an indescribable manner, but her glance was warm.

After a few moments passed in silence Finn chose to break through it. 'Well it was nice to meet you – Rachel – but I think should get back to work or otherwise I'll be out here by tomorrow and well...yeah.' 'I'd like a Martini, Finn.', she smiled at him humorously. Her smile was just the most incredible thing he had ever gotten to see. 'I will deal with this.', one last glance was shared and with that Finn turned around and got back the bar. 'One Martini, San.' 'Let me guess, for the chick in the corner over there?', Santana waggled her eyebrows salaciously. 'What?', Finn tried to hide the fact that he seemed to be _very _attracted to Rachel and knew that when it came to him and hiding something, he was the most obvious person ever. 'Please, Frankenteen, you're pratically drooling since you've talked to her and you can't seem to stop looking at her. It's like your glance is glued to her.'. Well I'm doing my job, so -' 'Whatever Frankenteen.' and with that Santana grinned at him and started to serve some guy clearly looking at her boobs.

Finn knew that Rachel changed him in a way, although he had only talked to her for about 10 minutes. But yes, he just could not control his sentiments. And he knew that he had to see her again after tonight. He just had to. So he brought her the drink, he asked for her number and he gave her his and he knew that Puck would have been proud of him.


	4. Feel again

"Hi, uh, Rachel, it's me, Finn, I thought that maybe we could meet up, I mean as friends, you know?", Finn felt stupid. He could never ever tell Rachel what he had just pracitsed. He was sure she would think that he was some kind of weirdo, leaving crazy voice-mails on her phone. But he somehow had to see her again, it was like a need. Talking to her, even though they had only talked for about 10 minutes, had made him feel alive, at least more alive than he had been feeling when he had arrived in New York with that one special aim in mind.

Like he had already remarked, the city's vibe was an individual one. The buildings, the lights, the mentality – everything. And although he hardly knew Rachel (he just knew that Rachel was _very _beautiful), he knew that she was the perfect symbol for what made the city as special as it was. She seemed like this independant, tough, but at the same time warm-hearted and lovely person. He could sense it by the way that her eyes had shined the night that they had met at the bar. He could feel that she was _good_. He had to be little bit more confident about himself if he really wanted to meet her again, he knew that, but somehow it was hard for him to really do what seemed best – calling her. At the moment he sat at his kitchen table, nervous as a wreck because of a woman he had only seen once and talked to for about _10 minutes_. "What is wrong with you Hudson?". It could be so easy, so, so easy. Knowing that he could either continue sitting there, wasting time, or call the woman that he had thought of for the past two days, he chose the second possibility. It was easy, so, so easy.

An hour later, Finn had set up a date with RachelBerry and the next day they would meet up at a coffee shop near Times Square and Finn felt relieved. Relieved and..._happy_.

"Oh Frankenteen, you look as if you want to kiss someone. I'm okay with that as long as you don't kiss me since I'm perfectly gay. But it's not that I wouldn't understand, I look smoking hot today, well not just today, _always_.". Finn looked at Santana because of that unnecessary statement and she looked at him as if there wasn't any doubt. Not that he would have disagreed. Today she wore super tight skinny jeans and a black t-shirt. As usuall during her shift at the bar, she had smokey eyes (more tip, that's what she said). She really did look hot. "San, common, _you_ know that _I _knowthat _you_ look hot. Who would disagree?" "Good answer Frankenteen, you're getting better day by day.". She acted overdramatically proud and held her heart. "Why do I always get _so_ sentimental _so _easily?", now she sighed heavily, clearly expressing that she was joking.

Finn looked down to the ground, leaning against the bar. His arms were crossed and he was tired. "And by the way, what about that chick in the corner? When exactly was she here, like two days ago?". Classy. Santana could get really annoying and disrespectful sometimes. Finn raised his head again. "First of all, that _chick_ is called Rachel Berry and she really is a _woman _and if you really want to know, we're going on a date tomorrow." "Oh, then it's _her_ that you want to kiss. Seriously, I would have felt flattered, but just no. And if you ask me, she is one dwarf of a woman", she looked at him in a serious manner (but Finn knew that she was joking anyway). "Seriously, San, could you maybe be a little nicer and a litlle more respectful? She has been really friendly and sympathetic". Right now, Santana just smirked. "She would have been even friendlier and much more sympathetic, if she would have ordered another drink. And with friendly and sympathetic you mean hot and attractive?" Now Finn really somehow was annoyed. "San-" "What? I'm a bitch, which means I'm not nice and fortunately I don't have to be. This is what I do." She now regarded him easy-goingly and Finn chose to not give too much on what Santana said. At least he knew that she wasn't _that _serious after all.

His shift for the night passed rather quickly and at last, he now had something to look forward to. He still couldn't exactly describe what made him feel_ that _attracted to Rachel. Sure, Santana wasn't quite wrong, Rachel really was not only beautiful but also hot. But he wasn't that kind of man that met a woman just to sleep with her. He had never understood how some guys could be that respectful and egoistic. No, he wasn't that kind of guy. He really was interested in Rachel, in her person and her character and not her boobs or her ass or whatever. He really wanted to get to know her better.

The next day at 3.00 pm he made his way to the coffee shop that he and Rachel wanted to meet up at. Once he entered the small shop, he could already see her in a corner, sitting on a comfy couch at a small table, already having ordered her drink and something to eat. She looked even more beautiful than she did the night they had first met. This time her hair was styled in a long pony tail and she wore a white summer dress with pink flowers on it. She looked absolutely stunning. Being preoccupied with something that looked like a magazine about musical theatre, she didn't notice him approaching himself to the table that she had chosen before. "Rachel, hi.", Finn smiled from ear to ear. At least he felt as if doing so. Rachel, now having awoken out of her state of complete absorbation shrugged a little perplexed. But as fast as she felt surprised by the sudden start of conversation, the faster a smile spread itself all over her face and _God _it defenitely was the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. "Finn, hi, how are you? It's nice to see you." Her eyes shined bright and made him feel welcome. Yes, she _was_ a warm-hearted and lovely person. Somehow Rachel managed to make him feel complete belief about her being good, she couldn't be a bad and cruel person, she just couldn't. This had to be a serious thing for her. And nobody could make him feel any different. He _trusted _her. He could see it in her eyes.

After sitting down and ordering a drink and something to eat himself, Finn started the conversation. "You're interested in musical theatre?". He pointed his finger to the magazine in which Rachel had read before and as he arrived at the coffee shop. "Yeah, actually, I love it.", her eyes and her charisma became passionate. And this time not just because of her love for life but also because of her love for musical theatre and singing and performing in general. "I actually go to college here. Do you know NYADA? I'm a junior now, so hopefully, I will have my degree in musical theatre next year.", her enthusiasm was catching and sexy and catching and Finn couldn't quite describe the feeling that he got. But it was obvious that she made him feel much more positive about his situation and his life in general. She even did this cute little thing with her hands while talking.. She was so full of life, so full of joy and Finn felt like she could be exactly what he needed to feel good and to feel, yes just to feel...

For the next two hours, Finn and Rachel talked about everything. Their lifes, where they actually were from, what they wanted to achieve in life, where they actually saw themselves in ten years or so... And Finn got to know Rachel better, just like he had wanted to. He learned that she actually had planned to become a musical theatre actress and to be on Broadway since she was 3 years old. How she loved the moment right before you sing the first words of a song and the mix of excitement, happyness and anxiety is pumping through your veins and you can feel it in every inch of your body. He also learned that she actually had two gay fathers and had been raised in New Jersey. Then about three years ago she moved to New York City to make her dream come true. Her one big idol was Barbra Streisand and her favourite musical of all time was _Funny Girl_ . "You just have to watch it, Finn.".

The most important fact that Finn learned about her was however, that Rachel not only loved life but that she loved musical theatre. It _was_ her life. And she had her aim, she had her perspective. It made her feel so positive about everything that was going on her life. Yes, she was exactly what he needed, he just knew it. He then also told her about his life. That he had been raised in Lima Ohio and that he actually planned on getting a degree in teaching but had to take a break because of unplanned circumstances. He told her how his step-brother Kurt was as obsessed with musical theatre as Rachel was and that he indeed had heard of NYADA because Kurt planned on going there once he graduated from McKinley High. He and Rachel found out that the two of them both had been in Glee Club while being in High School. "That's amazing Finn. Don't you think that it was such great way of letting the day of school end?". Finn couldn't help but watch her with enthusiasm. She had really caught him with her passion and made him feel like there still was hope and like not everything was over. Although he had chosen not to tell her about Puck, she already helped him. He could do nothing but smile and feel good and positive the entire time they were talking. _She_ was good.

Once their date was over Finn chose to accompany Rachel a short way as she had to go to NYADA the second time that day because of having to practise one of the choreographies for her dance class. According to Rachel her dance teacher Cassandra July could be a serious bitch sometimes.

"That was a really lovely afternoon, Finn.". Rachel looked up at him, smiling, her hair now falling down her shoulders in soft curls. "Yeah, I really liked spending time with you. It just felt so _natural_ ,do you know what I mean or what I am trying to say?". The warmth that Rachel made him feel had taken over his entire body that had been so cold and emotionless for the past month. "Yes, actually I feel the same way, which is somehow strange because we basically hardly know each other, but I really like you and I enjoy talking to you. So, do you wanna repeat this soon, maybe?" "I'd love to Rachel.". They looked at each other for a few long moments. Neither Finn nor Rachel felt the need to say anything. It was like their looks took that part from them and expressed exactly how they felt. Then Rachel broke the silence:"Well I think I should go or I won't be able to practise as long as I planned to, so...", she stood up on her tiptoes and hugged him. Finn hugged her back. And as the two of them stood there together, hugging each other, Finn believed to feel how Rachel snuggled her face into his broad chest. After a few more minutes, Rachel ended the hug and started to take the stairs, leading to NYADA's main entrance, but not without glancing over her shoulder one last time before entering.

But the most important fact that Finn learned about that day was, that Rachel made him feel. Not only feel but _wanting_ to feel. As the two of them had been talking, he felt _alive_. He felt warmth and passion and just so much at the same time. Yes he could feel that he was falling for her. Rachel was special. She made him feel again.


End file.
